


Dear John, Sincerely SH.

by HKHolmes911



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Episode: s02e03 The Reichenbach Fall, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Letters, M/M, Multi, Reichenbach Falls, Reichenbach Feels, Self-Worth Issues, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-04-06 15:19:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 3,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4226850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HKHolmes911/pseuds/HKHolmes911
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock jumped and then went on the run. He didn't know if he was coming back, so in case he never made it back he wrote john letters. Sherlock had to endure many horrible things while he was away. he also did some horrible things while he was away. The letters show his fall from more than the roof of Barts and how John Watson saves our wayward detective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dear John, sincerely SH.

**Author's Note:**

> This will be updated no where near regularly. I hope you can stick with me.

Dear John,  
You came to my grave to day. I saw you at the funeral, but today you came to say goodbye. I was waiting for you to come back to 221B. You didn’t. I had to see you one more time. I had to see you one more time before I left. I had to make sure you were alive the at you were whole. I heard what you said after Ms.Hudson left. I am sorry I hurt you. I want you to be strong for me. I will be back and I will have done some terrible things. Mycroft is watching you, he will keep you as safe as he can. I hope when I get back you can forgive me.  
Yours sincerely  
SH.


	2. second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second letter

Dear John,  
I am in the south of France waiting for the drug addicted son of a wealthy weapons dealer. I believe he (The father not the son, obliviously. ) is where Moriarty obtained his explosives. You would have loved this chase. I actually had to dive into the seine two days ago. I nearly froze to death on my way to the safe house. You would have yelled at me for being so reckless. I am at a hotel bar posing as the new street competition for the sons drug of choice. I’m not using, you needn’t worry yourself. If all goes to plan ill be able to find his father and will have the first thread of Moriarty’s web in my hand within a week. I hope you are well. I know that you lost many friends during your time in afganastan. I hope you know I am loath to cause you any pain that is not absolutely necessary. I think we can both agree that without me you will be happier. You always said that I cock-blocked you from any women that might have been even passingly interested in you. It’s been a fortnight since I saw you at my grave. I want you to be happy. Please John for me, be happy.   
Yours sincerely  
SH.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment.


	3. Third

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third letter

Dear John,  
I did something bad today. You would not be proud of what I did. I killed a man today in cold blood. Shot him in the head and left him to rot in the woods. He was a bad man, cruel and hard. He was a murder and a rapist. I did not need to kill him. I could have left him with the authority's, but i didn’t. I killed him. I’m sorry John.   
Yours sincerely  
S.H

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment.


	4. Fourth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the fourth letter

Dear John,  
I was infiltrating the second ring of that arms dealer i was looking into in France. I had to make up a tragic back story. It was rather pathetic to tell you the truth. I used your name. Not Watson. As you repeatedly told me, your blog has a far larger readership than i had imagined. Told them John was the name of my brother. The brother I had lost because I was poor and didn’t have enough money to pay for his TB treatment. I know. I can imagine the look on your face. It would have made you laugh. I have to go now.  
Yours sincerely  
SH.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment.


	5. Fifth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fifth letter

Dear John,  
I killed again today. To keep my cover I had to kill him. He was a low level drug dealer with no family or connections. He was stealing from his suppliers and he read your blog. I cut his throat and used the body to prove I could be trusted. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. He had blond hair. It reminded me of you. I miss you john.  
I wanted heroin after I killed him. I had thee needle in my hand when I thought of you. I new how disgusted you would b with me. How many times have we seen someone murdered over a few grams of powder. It wasn’t that I killed him for the drugs, but I wanted them. I needed them. I needed them because for a moment it looked like I had killed you. I’m clean. I promise. I miss you John.  
Yours sincerely  
SH.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment.


	6. Sixth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sixth letter

Dear John,  
I hate the beach. It’s all sun and sand and loud. It burns my skin and the unpredictable nature of sand is unbelievably annoying. I know your laughing. I’m sitting here on a beach trying to choke back some abomination passing for whiskey. The last few weeks have been busy. I’m sure that these would be some of your more interesting blog posts if you were here to write about them. The black tie prison break. The case of the violate thumb. How to escape a airport as a Gardner, or the suitcase that was 2 pounds light. The ballerina’s curse. The gogo club of death. You would have been amazed by ending to that one. It ended with a underage film pornographer stoned out of his mind taking body shots off the police commissioner. You would have had a wonderful time. Right now I’m waiting for my date. Two people going out, thought we wont be out long. You see I have a small secluded cabin where I will take him. I don’t thing any one will be able to hear him scream from there. He is a loyal underling that has spent over a decade behind bars for his masters. I will have to hurt him. I will have to torture him. I have been reading up on the Americans advanced interrogation program. Most of my knowledge on the subject is from the Spanish Inquisition. He looked not unlike you. With the same build, hair and mouth anyone might mistake him for you. Apart from me that is. I’ve never tourtred someone before. Now that I am a murder I don’t suppose it will be that difficult. It is after all simply killing someone very slowly. Maybe you would disagree. I suppose you would. You always saw a different side of death and pain than me. I’m still not sure how one can die nobly or bravely take pain. Adverbs don’t change the reality of what is happening. I hope you can forgive me when you read these letters. I miss you john.   
Yours sincerely   
SH.


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Seventh Letter

Dear john,   
There is blood on everywhere. The man is dead. His name was Alan. He told me everything I needed to know, but at that point it seemed kinder to put him out of his misery. You would not be proud of me john. You would hate me for what I have done to night. I hate myself for what I have done. It’s not the screams that make turn away. Not the blood and bile. It was better than any drug john. I felt so alive. Every sense was on fire. I could see everything john, I could hear the last beat of his heart. I’m sorry.  
Yours sincerely  
SH.


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Eighth Letter

Dear John,  
Every thing is hard. Breathing is painful. You were always there to fix me. I don’t think you can fix me anymore. I know you never wanted me, not like I wanted you. That’s not the point. No one has ever been able to stand being around me for more than a week. You stayed and for that I will always be in your debt. I may not make it out of this tonight. My fault. Punishment for what I have become. If this is the last time I get to say it. Goodbye John.  
Yours sincerely   
SH.


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ninth Letter

Dear John,  
Survival is the best drug don’t you think. The blood rushing through your veins. The way you move and breath feels different. I have two broken ribs and dislocated arm, but all I want to do if find more trouble as Mrs. Hudson would call it. If this is what war was like I can understand your reluctance to let it go. I’ve been close to death on three occasions before this and they were all at my own hands. Having someone else hold your life in their hands is indeed terrifying, but there is nothing better than breaking their wrist to get your life back again. That analogy may have been a bit stretched. You will understand what I mean. You may be the only one who could. The only one who always understood what I meant. I’m alive. I wish you were here to celebrate that fact with me.  
Yours sincerely   
SH.


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thee Tenth Letter

Dear John,  
I am not the same man I was. I’m not sure I could ever look you in the eye. The last letter I wrote to you that will reach you only if I die was written in the in the middle of a wring of corpses. The screams and supplications still ringing off the walls. I never wanted too stain you with this. You told me I was extraordinary once. I hoped that when I came back you would still look at me that way. I am sorry. Lestrade held out hope for me once, I managed to disappoint him as well. I’m sorry to bring you into this long line of people that put their trust in me only to be disappointed. I may not be good for much else, but this I can do. I can finish what I started and make sure you are never under Moriarty’s power again. You will never have to know. Whats one more lie.   
Yours eternal  
SH.


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Eleventh Letter

Dear John,   
I am waiting. There are men in front of me that are in pain. They are in pain because I need information. John they are in pain because iF want the to be. If they tell me wht I need to know I will kill them and take their place. I’m writing for them to break and need to appear occupied and unconcerned. There are three men two blond one red headed. The red head is almost thirty and has spent most of his life behind bars. I have bound him to a bed with his feet hanging over the edge. I set a small fire to slowly melt away the flesh from his overactive nerves. He is screaming absence things at me as his feet melt. The heat blisters have already burst and now the blood is evaporating before it can drip into the fire. The other two have been forced to sit and watch and listen to their friend. They may tell e what I want to know, but I’m afraid that they wont escape. I have some very interesting ideas for these two. They are young and fit. They will survive much suffering before I’m done with them. I have never felt power like this. Life and death so intertwined they are inseparable. Their pain becomes my pleasure. If I had known that this is what Moriarty was offering me I would have taken it. John you are the only thing that kept me on the side of the angels. That line has gotten much more complicated.  
Yours Sincerely  
SH.


	12. Sorry Not Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Twelfth Letter

Dear John,  
I’m sorry. I know you don’t know what happened, but I am so so sorry. The worst part is that I loved it. More than anything else, I loved it and I am sorry.   
Yours Sincerely  
SH.


	13. chapter thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the thirteenth letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took forever. Please feel free to poke if i've not updated in a bit.

Dear John,  
The pain killers they have in Mexico are wonderful. Even the black market has a surprising selection. Mycroft always said I was at my most sentimental when high. I’m starting to believe him. I shouldn't be writing this now. I should wait until the drugs are out of my system. I have never loved anyone in my life john, but I love you. I think you should know that. I don’t know why you should know. You don’t love me and that hurts. I’m sorry that I left you, but I would rather die than see you harmed. I’m starting to hope that I never see you again, just so that I never have to face the fact that you will never feel the same about me. I’m so close to ending this drug ring, but I’m not sure what it will cost.   
Yours Sincerely  
SH.


	14. chapter fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the 14th letter

Dear John,   
There is blood dripping down my face. Not even a fortnight out of the hospital and I’m killing again. I think I told you how I would have joined Moriarty had I known what I was capable off. That does not scare me anymore. The thought that I may become him is what haunts me now. His place at the head of this vast criminal organization would be so easy to take as my own. A few well placed deaths, and it would be mine. Tell me john why am I turning away from this. This chance to never be bored again.   
Because you would hate me. You might hate me anyway. I would. I do. Don’t forsake me John you're the only link to humanity I have. The last words you spoke to me, face to face were that friends protect people. You might have meant it to hurt, and I might have deliberately pushed you there. John please. I need you to protect all that I am. Even if you are half a world away. You are everything good in this world. Everything I have left.  
Yours Sincerely   
SH.


	15. chapter fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the 15th letter

Dear John,  
I am going undercover. I don’t know if ill be alive to write you another letter. If I’m not, please know that I meant everything I said. It has been the greatest pleasure of my frustrated existence to have been a part of yours. I love you john Watson. For whatever it is worth I do love you.   
Yours Sincerely  
SH.


	16. chaptere sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the 16th letter

Dear John Watson, 

Always yours,  
Sherlock Holmes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAANNNNNDDDDD now you may scream.   
> Sarah this is for you so i hope you like it.


	17. chapter seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the 17th chapter

Dear John,  
I’m coming home. Its been two years but I’m coming home. I have blood on my hands, I killed them, killed them all. I missed one. Moran, Sebastian Moran. Moriarty’s right hand man. There might be trouble with his later on, but we will deal with that together. i know you are going to hate me when I come back. That might just kill me before anything else does. You’ll forgive me wont you? You are all I have, you have to forgive me. I’ll show you how it can be just like old times. You and me, the blood pumping though our veins, just us against the rest of the world. like in the beginning   
I don’t want to lie to you, not anymore than I already have. I cant let you see what I’ve become without you. A murder, a psychopath, a monster. You would say that omission of the facts is the same thing as a lie. You would tell me that the truth always comes out. I’ll deal with that when I get home. You can yell and scream and rage all you like and I’ll show you why you missed me. Mycroft has a case for us. It will help I know it. You have been idle for to long . I’ll tell you I love you when I get back.   
Yours sincerely  
SH. 17


	18. chapter eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the 18th chapter

Dear John,   
You didn’t wait for me. I never expected you would, we were flat mates to you. I was a tool for you to get you fix. Two addicts using one another.   
Marry will be the normal life you always craved. I don’t like her. She wont be able to give you what I could. The rush you got when we were on a case. You won’t find that anywhere else, not with her.   
I’m sorry. I have no right to be jealous. I thought, well what I thought was obviously wrong and has no place here. I want you to be happy. I had imagined that you were happy with me, but if Marry is what makes you happy I’ll do everything I can to make that happen.   
Sincerely,  
SH.


	19. chapter nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the 19th chapter

Dear John,   
He won. Moriarty won. He wanted me alone, with everything I cared for torn to shreds. As I sit here when I should be at your wedding reception I realize that I am alone. He took you from me. I tried so hard to have a place in your new life. Now I realize that I will be there when you need me and I must learn to be satisfied with that. I never had expectations of others before. You changed that. You changed everything. When you need me I’ll be there. I need drugs now,   
Sincerely   
SH.


	20. chapter twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the 20th chapter

John H. Watson  
My brother has no knowledge that these letters were delivered. They were supposed to arrive on the occasion of his death should he not return from his mission. As he will not be returning for this assignment I believed you had the right to read them.  
M.


	21. Chapter twenty-one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A letter from Mycroft

John H. Watson.  
This letter was among my brothers personal affects. I am not sure if he had intended me to find it, however since you have refused to return to 221B I have taken the liberty of sifting through Sherlock's belongings. It seemed his wishes were for you to have this last letter. I have included several other items he left to you. His coat, phone and magnifying lens. His last wishes were for you to have them. I wish you the very best.  
M.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done.


	22. Sherlock's last letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock's last letter.

Dear John,   
One last case.   
I am sorry, but I can’t do it. Seeing you with her tears me apart. I want you to be happy. If you are happy with marry then I will not stand in the way of that. I thought I could return to not caring. I thought that I would be able to unlearn how to love you. There is a castle in my mind that is filled with your sent, your smile, and everything that reminded me why I loved you. While I was away I lived there. Visited it every time my eyes closed so I could see you. I cant do it anymore. I deleted it. I tried to delete it, but it didn’t work. Now and I cant do this anymore. One more case. One more adventure just for us and then I’ll leave. I survived this dark world before. I doubt without you to hold onto I will again, but I can not watch you love another while I am pulled out of the shadows when needed and forgotten about when of no use.  
I love you John Watson. Please be happy... Do one thing for me. Make sure your child isn’t around Anderson too much. Even if he is more palatable if he worships me, his idiocy will infect the child.  
I love you John, and maybe I can find some sort of peace without you.   
There is so much I wish to say. So much I wish you could understand, but I have neither the words or the time. I’ll see you soon. For the last time john. I love you.

Goodbye  
S.H

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if i should add one more chapter and make it a happy ending. I like ending it right here, but i have an idea for a happy ending. Let me know what you think.  
> Please comment. writing is hard, knowing you care makes it all worth while.


	23. please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John writes a letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a happy ending. Short but sweet.

Dear Sherlock,  
I love you, please come home.  
Yours.  
JW


	24. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's your happy ending.

Dear John,   
I'm coming home.   
Yours  
SH

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment. Writing is hard.  
> Knowing what you think helps me.


End file.
